The coffee was atrocious. It failed the Campsie test at least; it was opaque. That was the best part of it,  unfortunately.

I didn’t even finish my small cup and was actually glad to not be offered refills. One breakfaster had decaf which they said was undoubtedly instant.

The food looked decent when it arrived, but looks can be deceiving. Every ingredient was dry, small and flavourless. Sure, the bacon wasn’t that bad, and the eggs were done well, but nothing else. The eggs were in fact noticeably small, as if a quail had mated with a chicken. Can you see then in the picture? The two eggs together were almost smaller than one piece of rye bread. The potatoes needed to be salted, and then yolked, and then ketchuped and they still were bad. I never put ketchup on my potatoes unless they’re incurable, and even the ketchup tasted funny! Man. The toast was no help either. It was tiny and dry, like the German sense of humour.

Before you get mad, I should tell you that I have a German mother who exemplifies and explains this fact often.

Our server just kind of held out our plates, waiting for us to take the right one. Like I said, they offered no refills and we had to fetch our own spreads (Note: not jams, but spreads) from near the counter.

The place was pretty well offensive to all the senses. Our soundscape consisted of colicky babies and cough/retching folk who ain’t got all there teef.

After all that, the meal came to under five bucks. It’s quality you pay for, for sure. I don’t agree at all that it’s a good hangover breakfast, but it sure fits the bill if you’ve blown all your money on beer.

I wanted to pour a cup of water onto my plate just to get some moisture in it, but breakfast soup is not something I’m not ready to try. We were so unsatisfied that we left Woo’s, we looked over at The Oakwood Café and wondered if we should go right over there for breakfast, or at least a cup of real coffee.

May 17 2008

WOOS CAFE

670 Osborne St.

Hours of operation:

Mon - Sun             8 AM - 7 PM

All day breakfast:  $3.55

Woo’s is a gruff, unapologetic place. This is no-frills dining. 

My friends used to tell me about the joy of going to Woo’s after a good night of partying. They would walk down the street and yell “Woo!” as loud as their pounding heads would allow. I always thought that sounded romantic for some reason, and wanted to share that experience.

So, the morning after my birthday I made the trek down but could only manage one sad “Woo!” on my way. It was a great birthday. 

When I got there, all inclination to shout joyfully was lost. Woo’s looks and smells like someone’s disused cabin. The picture of dogs painted in oil solidified the cabin feel for me, let alone the rest of the cheesy animal-based art on the walls. My friends polished our table with dry napkins and came up with enough black grime to make me forget about having to wash my hands before I ate.

Click on menu to enlarge.